Porn Again: A Memoir by Josh Sabarra

Porn Again: A Memoir by Josh Sabarra

Author:Josh Sabarra [Sabarra, Josh]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: JBS Books
Published: 2014-11-03T23:00:00+00:00


PRIORITY MALE

It was about to go down. Or at least I was.

After 31 years, it had all come to this moment. Since junior high school, I dreamed of touching another man’s naked body, and I longed for someone who wanted to touch mine. Gavin and I walked into the bedroom, hand in hand, and flopped onto his queen-size mattress. I landed on top of him, a position that turned him on; I could feel it in his pants.

“This is new for me,” I said, worried about my performance. Would I cum too fast? Would I not be rhythmic in my movements?

“It has been a couple of years for me, too,” he replied.

“No, you don’t understand,” I continued. “This is actually my first time.”

“That’s OK,” he said, “let’s take it slowly. We’re not in a rush.” My virginity didn’t faze Gavin the way it concerned Norm, and the sense of relief was indescribable. His sensitivity and kindness told me that he was the right person to experience sex with for the first time.

“I just wanted to be up front with you,” I said.

“We don’t have to make a big deal of it,” Gavin replied, stroking my floppy hair. “Let’s just enjoy each other without worrying about anything, OK?” He made me feel safe and wanted, unlike Norm who treated me as an undesirable oddity because of my lack of sexual experience.

Gavin’s attraction to me sparked a confidence that I hadn’t experienced previously, a taste of sexual power that coursed through my body like electricity. The temperature in my chest rose to a boil, and my brain began to flip through the catalog of porn scenes it had watched throughout the previous 10 years of daily rehearsals for my opening night. As Gavin lay flat on his back, I straddled his crotch on my knees, removing my shirt and unbuttoning my jeans. My five buttons were stretched to their limit and needed a release as much as I did.

“What . . . what . . . what do you like?” I asked, looking away from Gavin’s face and tripping over my words. It was a piece of the sex puzzle that made me nervous and embarrassed, simply because I didn’t know what I liked. In the adult films I’d seen, one partner was typically the top, or active partner, while the bottom got poked in the ass. I had no idea which end I wanted to be on. (I eventually learned that I’m versatile and enjoy both, which is an asset; guys who are steadfast in their “top” or “bottom” roles don’t usually consider dating men who are inclined the same way, which further limits the dating pool.)

“Do you want to fuck me?” he whispered as I leaned forward to kiss his thin lips. He didn’t have to say another word; the next hour moved along as though I had been practicing for years. Thankfully, my diligent study of porno movies taught me the general run down – kissing, nipple play, a



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